Hey guys, I converted. That's right, I'm now on Wordpress, and things are going swimmingly! And even more changes are anticipated, so stay close friends!
You can now find me at my new home!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Oh what a good day!
Here are some things you should want on your Christmas list this Holiday season:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461647,00 .html
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461928,00.html
Here is a funny video you should watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j_TAuF4gFU
And here is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE QUOTE EVER from Seinfeld. Please enjoy this as much as I did!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461647,00 .html
http://www.foxnews.com/sto
Here is a funny video you should watch:
http://www.youtube.com/wat
And here is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE QUOTE EVER from Seinfeld. Please enjoy this as much as I did!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Other Side of Love
No, no music quote today. I realized just now that this is my 102nd blog post to this blog, so in honor of a new "century" of blogging, I will not hold myself to using song quotes or titles to title my blog.
I've decided to call a recent phase of life "The Other Side of Love." In the past 12-15 months, I have endured some pretty crappy relationships with people. Some of it would be my responsibility, some of it would be their responsibility, but a lot of it proves that life is just very hard sometimes. But, now having gone through it, and to be slowly emerging on the other side of it, I feel like a better person, but more importantly I know I'm a better person.
A thought that has bugged my thoughts over the past few weeks deals with Jesus' commandment to love others as we love ourselves. What happens if we don't love ourselves very much, or at all, or at least very well? Are we then, to be obedient to Jesus, not to love others very much, or at all, or at least very well? This was replayed over and over again in my head for a few weeks. What I've come to learn is: Yes, it is possible not to love ourselves very much, or at all, or even very well, and unfortunately, to love others in the exact same manner.
But I've also come to learn exactly how to love myself, and how to love myself so much better than I imagined. I've learned how to embrace myself as a sinner, as a child of God, as a beggar, as a student, as a person who fails and succeeds. I've learned that it's okay for me not to be perfect, because I know the Gospel tells me as much, but I know that the Gospel also tells me that even though I'm much more lost than I could have ever feared, I'm also loved more than I could have ever hoped. That's the kind of love I've learned, and am still learning.
I've learned that if I don't love the people who suck, the people who let me down, the people who disappoint me, the people who hurt me, then I'll never love anyone, not even myself. That's a tough pill to swallow, but it's oddly comforting once you've got it down, and it's incredibly transforming once it takes effect.
I know I'm not perfect, and I'll do everything I can to no longer pretend like I should be, or that I think I could be. I'm not perfect, and I won't ever be perfect, not this side of Heaven. But, I still love myself even though I'm imperfect, and I'm learning every day how to love myself and others better.
I've decided to call a recent phase of life "The Other Side of Love." In the past 12-15 months, I have endured some pretty crappy relationships with people. Some of it would be my responsibility, some of it would be their responsibility, but a lot of it proves that life is just very hard sometimes. But, now having gone through it, and to be slowly emerging on the other side of it, I feel like a better person, but more importantly I know I'm a better person.
A thought that has bugged my thoughts over the past few weeks deals with Jesus' commandment to love others as we love ourselves. What happens if we don't love ourselves very much, or at all, or at least very well? Are we then, to be obedient to Jesus, not to love others very much, or at all, or at least very well? This was replayed over and over again in my head for a few weeks. What I've come to learn is: Yes, it is possible not to love ourselves very much, or at all, or even very well, and unfortunately, to love others in the exact same manner.
But I've also come to learn exactly how to love myself, and how to love myself so much better than I imagined. I've learned how to embrace myself as a sinner, as a child of God, as a beggar, as a student, as a person who fails and succeeds. I've learned that it's okay for me not to be perfect, because I know the Gospel tells me as much, but I know that the Gospel also tells me that even though I'm much more lost than I could have ever feared, I'm also loved more than I could have ever hoped. That's the kind of love I've learned, and am still learning.
I've learned that if I don't love the people who suck, the people who let me down, the people who disappoint me, the people who hurt me, then I'll never love anyone, not even myself. That's a tough pill to swallow, but it's oddly comforting once you've got it down, and it's incredibly transforming once it takes effect.
I know I'm not perfect, and I'll do everything I can to no longer pretend like I should be, or that I think I could be. I'm not perfect, and I won't ever be perfect, not this side of Heaven. But, I still love myself even though I'm imperfect, and I'm learning every day how to love myself and others better.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Grace
So, to be very honest, I find myself finally admitting that I am in need of grace this week. Not that it's "This week I need grace," but more of a "This week I realized my need for grace."
For a while now I have felt and seen the need for morality, ethics, scruples, good behavior -- call it what you will, but I've noticed the lack of it first in the lives of others, and then myself. Yes, I first noticed the bad behavior of others, then moved the lens over to my own actions. I would say this is backward, but it's so far from even resembling correct that to say it is "backward" would be an insult to the actual process.
And an unfortunate side-effect of this "crusade" of mine for goodness has resulted in my attempts to point out the immorality in the lives of others, point out the wrongness, and then try and claim the "moral high ground" for myself with a "1-2-3, base on me!" mentality. However, what would happen later is that as I would be doing something that seems so commonplace and normal for my own life conviction would slap me full and hard in the face, making me so aware of my own shortcomings.
Last night, I made a real fool of myself. I mean, I probably put on a good show for the observant third-party, but more than that I really outdid myself. I cried "Foul!" and protested and I went to bed angry at the bad behavior I had observed, convicted of nothing less than "they're wrong, I know I'm right," but knowing full well that I had probably overstepped some boundary that my anger (and pride...) was blinding me to. My prayer before I fell asleep was "God, convict me of my wrongdoing, of my Sin, and help me to help You root it out."
Now that I'm awake, and have slept on it, and have apologized to those that I wronged, I have a few thoughts or reflections that come to mind: I really need to root out the immorality and the poor ethical decision making skills I have in my own life; I need to keep my mouth shut more often; though I may be correct in my judgment of what's right and wrong, I am not correct in pointing out these incorrect things; and lastly I am no better with scruples than my fellow pupils.
I see a need for help. I see a need for a higher goodness, a higher sense of accountability and a higher calling to that higher accountability. I see that I, obviously, cannot get rid of my poor decision making skills on my own. I need conviction. And in the same manner that I am not qualified to convict others of their "not goodness," I need conviction from something larger. I need conviction from God.
In short, to term it as I have learned, I need Grace. I need God's Grace to continually remind me: 1) that I am a sinner and, therefore, I am not good, and I am not even somewhat qualified to call out another sinner such as I; and 2) what a good decision is, and how to choose that good decision consistently. I need God's Grace to keep me in line. I need God's Grace to remind me that I am not better, and that I need to be better.
So, along with my pursuit to love myself better, and then to love others as I love myself, I now am learning to make better decisions, and to make better decisions more consistently, for the good of my own, but also for the good of the Body, and for the good of anyone who happens to be watching and learning from me. If you want to pray for me in this manner, or if you want to encourage me in this pursuit (or if you want to write me off completely), I appreciate your honesty with yourself, and could surely use your help.
For a while now I have felt and seen the need for morality, ethics, scruples, good behavior -- call it what you will, but I've noticed the lack of it first in the lives of others, and then myself. Yes, I first noticed the bad behavior of others, then moved the lens over to my own actions. I would say this is backward, but it's so far from even resembling correct that to say it is "backward" would be an insult to the actual process.
And an unfortunate side-effect of this "crusade" of mine for goodness has resulted in my attempts to point out the immorality in the lives of others, point out the wrongness, and then try and claim the "moral high ground" for myself with a "1-2-3, base on me!" mentality. However, what would happen later is that as I would be doing something that seems so commonplace and normal for my own life conviction would slap me full and hard in the face, making me so aware of my own shortcomings.
Last night, I made a real fool of myself. I mean, I probably put on a good show for the observant third-party, but more than that I really outdid myself. I cried "Foul!" and protested and I went to bed angry at the bad behavior I had observed, convicted of nothing less than "they're wrong, I know I'm right," but knowing full well that I had probably overstepped some boundary that my anger (and pride...) was blinding me to. My prayer before I fell asleep was "God, convict me of my wrongdoing, of my Sin, and help me to help You root it out."
Now that I'm awake, and have slept on it, and have apologized to those that I wronged, I have a few thoughts or reflections that come to mind: I really need to root out the immorality and the poor ethical decision making skills I have in my own life; I need to keep my mouth shut more often; though I may be correct in my judgment of what's right and wrong, I am not correct in pointing out these incorrect things; and lastly I am no better with scruples than my fellow pupils.
I see a need for help. I see a need for a higher goodness, a higher sense of accountability and a higher calling to that higher accountability. I see that I, obviously, cannot get rid of my poor decision making skills on my own. I need conviction. And in the same manner that I am not qualified to convict others of their "not goodness," I need conviction from something larger. I need conviction from God.
In short, to term it as I have learned, I need Grace. I need God's Grace to continually remind me: 1) that I am a sinner and, therefore, I am not good, and I am not even somewhat qualified to call out another sinner such as I; and 2) what a good decision is, and how to choose that good decision consistently. I need God's Grace to keep me in line. I need God's Grace to remind me that I am not better, and that I need to be better.
So, along with my pursuit to love myself better, and then to love others as I love myself, I now am learning to make better decisions, and to make better decisions more consistently, for the good of my own, but also for the good of the Body, and for the good of anyone who happens to be watching and learning from me. If you want to pray for me in this manner, or if you want to encourage me in this pursuit (or if you want to write me off completely), I appreciate your honesty with yourself, and could surely use your help.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
It's Been A While
Believe it or not, that actually is a line from a song. I don't remember who sings it, or the name or year, but the first thing I thought to type was, "It's been a while." Huh, a song!
But yeah, it has been a while! Since I last updated I dressed up as Chewie/Hillary/Satan for Halloween; our country elected a new president; I made an 88 on my Spanish midterm, but with a 5 point curve my teacher gave me a 94 (go figure...); and I said comparing High School Musical 3 to The Dark Knight was like comparing an enchilada to a cup of coffee. All in all, I feel very proud of the things that have gone on, and the things I've accomplished.
I'm registered for next semester. 12 hours, in case you were wondering. Intermediate Greek II, History of the Baptists, Advanced Composition and Stylistics of the Spanish language, Life Lessons (1-hr seminar), and Applied Music - Piano. 12 hours. Not so sure what's going to happen next semester, but I can honestly say it'll be unlike anything I've had up until now. The thought occurs to me "What might my life be like if I loaded up with 15 hours, took regular classes like everyone else, and didn't try to avoid a FULL load with 1-hr electives, like piano?" I think the answer would be something along the lines of me feeling like I'm missing out on my "college experience." Anyway.
Been reading a good book in Christian Counseling. The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Pete Scazzero. Great book. If you have time, I highly recommend it. I boldly and itallicaly recommend it. It is doing wonders for me as a book of meditation and discipleship.
As I'm typing this, I'm actually on duty in the clubhouse and one of my residents just walked in to talk. This particular resident is from India, he is an international student and is studying for his Master's at UMHB in Information Systems (a computer science thing). He wants to know if I can take him to Dallas for Thanksgiving. Sounds like a kind of...neat experience for me, and yet I am kind of bewildered. I never imagined sharing my Turkey Day holiday with anybody other than my family, and I have never actually taken a friend home from UMHB. How...interesting that an opportunity arises for me to open up my family to a few Indian fellows.
Speaking of Master's degrees, I have decided to go to seminary. Not sure which one just yet, but my top considerations at the moment are (in no particular order): (1) Dallas Theological Seminary; (2) Denver Seminary; and (3) B.H. Carroll Theological Institute, or something like that, I can't remember quite clearly. Not real sure where, yet. There are perks of all of them that I like, I just don't know where I'll buckle down, or if God will completely change my mind and I'll choose something way out of the way. I guess time will tell. I guess also I need to hit up Grant Hickman for a "tag-along-day" to Dallas to see what his classes are like, and also an adventurous road trip to Denver to see what Denver Seminary is like. B.H. Carroll is all online, so that has appeal right there, in and of itself. So, I guess if you wanted to pray for me to be open about these possibilities, that'd be nice, but I'm not asking or demanding. Just stating I've made a decision.
Okay friends, all for now. Maybe I'll update again, after two weeks!
But yeah, it has been a while! Since I last updated I dressed up as Chewie/Hillary/Satan for Halloween; our country elected a new president; I made an 88 on my Spanish midterm, but with a 5 point curve my teacher gave me a 94 (go figure...); and I said comparing High School Musical 3 to The Dark Knight was like comparing an enchilada to a cup of coffee. All in all, I feel very proud of the things that have gone on, and the things I've accomplished.
I'm registered for next semester. 12 hours, in case you were wondering. Intermediate Greek II, History of the Baptists, Advanced Composition and Stylistics of the Spanish language, Life Lessons (1-hr seminar), and Applied Music - Piano. 12 hours. Not so sure what's going to happen next semester, but I can honestly say it'll be unlike anything I've had up until now. The thought occurs to me "What might my life be like if I loaded up with 15 hours, took regular classes like everyone else, and didn't try to avoid a FULL load with 1-hr electives, like piano?" I think the answer would be something along the lines of me feeling like I'm missing out on my "college experience." Anyway.
Been reading a good book in Christian Counseling. The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Pete Scazzero. Great book. If you have time, I highly recommend it. I boldly and itallicaly recommend it. It is doing wonders for me as a book of meditation and discipleship.
As I'm typing this, I'm actually on duty in the clubhouse and one of my residents just walked in to talk. This particular resident is from India, he is an international student and is studying for his Master's at UMHB in Information Systems (a computer science thing). He wants to know if I can take him to Dallas for Thanksgiving. Sounds like a kind of...neat experience for me, and yet I am kind of bewildered. I never imagined sharing my Turkey Day holiday with anybody other than my family, and I have never actually taken a friend home from UMHB. How...interesting that an opportunity arises for me to open up my family to a few Indian fellows.
Speaking of Master's degrees, I have decided to go to seminary. Not sure which one just yet, but my top considerations at the moment are (in no particular order): (1) Dallas Theological Seminary; (2) Denver Seminary; and (3) B.H. Carroll Theological Institute, or something like that, I can't remember quite clearly. Not real sure where, yet. There are perks of all of them that I like, I just don't know where I'll buckle down, or if God will completely change my mind and I'll choose something way out of the way. I guess time will tell. I guess also I need to hit up Grant Hickman for a "tag-along-day" to Dallas to see what his classes are like, and also an adventurous road trip to Denver to see what Denver Seminary is like. B.H. Carroll is all online, so that has appeal right there, in and of itself. So, I guess if you wanted to pray for me to be open about these possibilities, that'd be nice, but I'm not asking or demanding. Just stating I've made a decision.
Okay friends, all for now. Maybe I'll update again, after two weeks!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I could tell, from the minute I woke up...
Can I just say, real quick here, that I really want to write a musical? Well, I'm going to anyway.
I WANT TO WRITE A MUSICAL!!! (and I don't care who knows it)
Now, please don't be mistaken. I don't consider myself a theatrical genius, and so far, my involvement in the theatrical has been Abraham Lincoln in the 1st grade, Elf #2 in the 4th grade, James Brown in the 5th grade, and an OCD character I barely remember from my freshman year here at ol' U of MHB. Clearly, not huge participation, and even then, no script writing. But nonetheless, I want to write a musical.
Why a musical, and not just some story? I don't know. I think the idea of seeing normal people betray their inhibitions to be funny and put on a good show is hilarious. I think that it's much easier to say and or do and or speak of very offensive things when it's set to music (not that I'm looking at being crass, or distateful). I think I enjoy music enough to write my own, fun, silly songs (probably not the actual music part, but the lyrical I think "maybe, yes"). And, I feel like where I'm at in life I could probably contribute a musical much more easier now than later, and it would be more silly, more fun, and more excitingly ridiculous than just another play (plus there's no reason I've found yet that says it should be a screenplay for Hollywood). So, I want to write a musical.
And I mean, a musica. A 1,2,3,however many-hour(s) musical, with songs and dances and characters -- the whole shebang. I like TV, and I love studying movies. I enjoy stories, and I feel like I'm creative enough. So, what is it that I lack?
Inspiration. Time. Resources. For some time now, I have felt the desire to write something -- a story, a book, a movie, a play, a musical. But sadly to say, I just haven't. I could guess the "Why Not" would be much like the "Why Not" now, but I really couldn't tell you, exactly.
So, why am I telling you this? I don't know. I'm just tired of having all this creative energy and desire pent-up inside me. I want it out. I guess maybe I could say I'm looking at finding some inspiration, time, resources, but I really don't know. But we'll see, we'll see.
So, yeah. Have a day my friends.
I WANT TO WRITE A MUSICAL!!! (and I don't care who knows it)
Now, please don't be mistaken. I don't consider myself a theatrical genius, and so far, my involvement in the theatrical has been Abraham Lincoln in the 1st grade, Elf #2 in the 4th grade, James Brown in the 5th grade, and an OCD character I barely remember from my freshman year here at ol' U of MHB. Clearly, not huge participation, and even then, no script writing. But nonetheless, I want to write a musical.
Why a musical, and not just some story? I don't know. I think the idea of seeing normal people betray their inhibitions to be funny and put on a good show is hilarious. I think that it's much easier to say and or do and or speak of very offensive things when it's set to music (not that I'm looking at being crass, or distateful). I think I enjoy music enough to write my own, fun, silly songs (probably not the actual music part, but the lyrical I think "maybe, yes"). And, I feel like where I'm at in life I could probably contribute a musical much more easier now than later, and it would be more silly, more fun, and more excitingly ridiculous than just another play (plus there's no reason I've found yet that says it should be a screenplay for Hollywood). So, I want to write a musical.
And I mean, a musica. A 1,2,3,however many-hour(s) musical, with songs and dances and characters -- the whole shebang. I like TV, and I love studying movies. I enjoy stories, and I feel like I'm creative enough. So, what is it that I lack?
Inspiration. Time. Resources. For some time now, I have felt the desire to write something -- a story, a book, a movie, a play, a musical. But sadly to say, I just haven't. I could guess the "Why Not" would be much like the "Why Not" now, but I really couldn't tell you, exactly.
So, why am I telling you this? I don't know. I'm just tired of having all this creative energy and desire pent-up inside me. I want it out. I guess maybe I could say I'm looking at finding some inspiration, time, resources, but I really don't know. But we'll see, we'll see.
So, yeah. Have a day my friends.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
With a Little Help From My Friends
I think my all time favorite Beatles song is "With a Little Help From My Friends." It is magical to my soul. My dad turned it into a mini sound-clip, and it is now my ringtone (for Cody only, though)! Color me excited.
In other news, things are going well today. For those of you who may not know, my sister is coming into town this evening, for the weekend. She's getting here in about 8 hours. I am excited! I kind of slept on and off last night in anticipation for her to get here, and the thought occurred to me that I actually might be losing sleep over my excitement for Anna (that's what most people call my sister, her birth name) to be here.
Then I woke up, and Daniel Rowe called me.
NO GREEK TODAY! He said he was going to his 8 AM D&E class and there was a note on the door that said "Dr. Martin's 1 o'clock Greek class is canceled today" (or something to that affect). For those of you who don't know, Greek is kind of hard, and challenging, and an extra day to study and prepare (or just not be there) is a HUGE blessing to my life.
So, so far today, it's been a great day. Being at work today was relatively easy, though I'm starting to feel convicted about some of the things I do around here that maybe I ought not do. But on the other hand, the lady at the drive through window at Shipley's today gave me an extra kolache just for grins! That was super awesome!
So, if you take nothing away from this post, just know that sometimes good days happen, and that is a great thing. I blog a lot about bad days and hard times, but today is not one of those days, and this week doesn't seem to be one of those times. Be blessed my friends.
Much love to you all.
In other news, things are going well today. For those of you who may not know, my sister is coming into town this evening, for the weekend. She's getting here in about 8 hours. I am excited! I kind of slept on and off last night in anticipation for her to get here, and the thought occurred to me that I actually might be losing sleep over my excitement for Anna (that's what most people call my sister, her birth name) to be here.
Then I woke up, and Daniel Rowe called me.
NO GREEK TODAY! He said he was going to his 8 AM D&E class and there was a note on the door that said "Dr. Martin's 1 o'clock Greek class is canceled today" (or something to that affect). For those of you who don't know, Greek is kind of hard, and challenging, and an extra day to study and prepare (or just not be there) is a HUGE blessing to my life.
So, so far today, it's been a great day. Being at work today was relatively easy, though I'm starting to feel convicted about some of the things I do around here that maybe I ought not do. But on the other hand, the lady at the drive through window at Shipley's today gave me an extra kolache just for grins! That was super awesome!
So, if you take nothing away from this post, just know that sometimes good days happen, and that is a great thing. I blog a lot about bad days and hard times, but today is not one of those days, and this week doesn't seem to be one of those times. Be blessed my friends.
Much love to you all.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
If you're out on the road
So, I find no shame in admitting this. I somewhat enjoy Gilmore Girls. Rory, Lorelai, Luke, Emily, Richard, Logan, Paris, Laine, Kirk, Sookie, Jackson, not so much Dean, Michel, Stars Hollow, Yale. I don't know what it is, but I kind of like it.
In fact, I watched two episodes this afternoon using my sister's DVDs. I'm trying to catch up as much as I can on season 5. Please don't ask me why I like this show, or why I'm trying to catch up, or why I'm even blogging about this, but I do, I am, and...I...am...? Yeah.
In other news, I put three Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus songs on my iTunes today, as well as the ENTIRE soundtrack to High School Musical 2. Again, don't ask. Please, just don't ask.
I found out my dad has two or three books that would be ginormous helps to me as an aspiring Greek student. Not that you care (but if that was my concern, I probably wouldn't have admitted to GG, HM/MC, or HSM2), but he has Brooks and Winberry's "Guide to Greek Morphology" and "Guide to Greek Syntax." Well, New Testament Greek, that is. The title's definitely much more specific than that, but I figured since you don't care anyway...
I can say that I'm really enjoying my Fall Break so far. I've come to some pretty nice conclusions since I've been home, and I'm becoming more and more excited and anticipatory about the upcoming semester. Also, I left my charger for my cell phone in my apartment in Belton, so I've left my phone completely OFF (well, almost completely) since Friday night. It's been nice to almost completely disconnect myself with the world. I just hope an emergency doesn't arise any time soon. Oh well.
I think for the rest of my Fall Break I'll do homework, more homework, and maybe take a nap or two! Oh, and most definitely watch Heroes in HD tomorrow night. By the way, my dad got not only an HDTV, but HD satellite, and DVR. The man swore to me two years ago he wouldn't get DVR, and yet I recorded, rewinded, and fast-forwarded through "That 70's Show" yesterday. Twas great.
Well, friends, this has been a great break so far, and I for one am glad for it.
See you in a few days...? Later lovers.
In fact, I watched two episodes this afternoon using my sister's DVDs. I'm trying to catch up as much as I can on season 5. Please don't ask me why I like this show, or why I'm trying to catch up, or why I'm even blogging about this, but I do, I am, and...I...am...? Yeah.
In other news, I put three Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus songs on my iTunes today, as well as the ENTIRE soundtrack to High School Musical 2. Again, don't ask. Please, just don't ask.
I found out my dad has two or three books that would be ginormous helps to me as an aspiring Greek student. Not that you care (but if that was my concern, I probably wouldn't have admitted to GG, HM/MC, or HSM2), but he has Brooks and Winberry's "Guide to Greek Morphology" and "Guide to Greek Syntax." Well, New Testament Greek, that is. The title's definitely much more specific than that, but I figured since you don't care anyway...
I can say that I'm really enjoying my Fall Break so far. I've come to some pretty nice conclusions since I've been home, and I'm becoming more and more excited and anticipatory about the upcoming semester. Also, I left my charger for my cell phone in my apartment in Belton, so I've left my phone completely OFF (well, almost completely) since Friday night. It's been nice to almost completely disconnect myself with the world. I just hope an emergency doesn't arise any time soon. Oh well.
I think for the rest of my Fall Break I'll do homework, more homework, and maybe take a nap or two! Oh, and most definitely watch Heroes in HD tomorrow night. By the way, my dad got not only an HDTV, but HD satellite, and DVR. The man swore to me two years ago he wouldn't get DVR, and yet I recorded, rewinded, and fast-forwarded through "That 70's Show" yesterday. Twas great.
Well, friends, this has been a great break so far, and I for one am glad for it.
See you in a few days...? Later lovers.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Twisted Nerve
Twisted Nerve, that's the name of the song that is my ringtone.
My quote of the day today is "The purpose of life is a life of purpose," by Robert Byrne. I think the purpose in my life, right now, judging from my time and money and commitment, is about as unclear as it's ever been. I'm just so busy. More busy than I would like or prefer. I seem to remember about 6 months ago (actually more) saying to Daniel Rowe that I could quit and drop all my business because I'm tired of it. I listed off to him all the things worth committing too that wouldn't be too much:
An upper, though, is that MEW will be over in two or so weeks, my RA job responsibilities will lighten up in a month, and that my internship is slowing down. But still, I'm freaking TIRED.
But more than tired, I'm disturbed by the terrible terrible attitude I've got towards my commitments. I don't want to them. I'd rather just sleep, and work. And when I say work, I mean work for a paycheck, not a grade, or an event, or someone else's approval.
Lovers and friends, I'm just stinking tired. I want a break. I'm signing up for nothing next semester, and I may stay that way until I graduate.
Advices?
My quote of the day today is "The purpose of life is a life of purpose," by Robert Byrne. I think the purpose in my life, right now, judging from my time and money and commitment, is about as unclear as it's ever been. I'm just so busy. More busy than I would like or prefer. I seem to remember about 6 months ago (actually more) saying to Daniel Rowe that I could quit and drop all my business because I'm tired of it. I listed off to him all the things worth committing too that wouldn't be too much:
- Student Foundation
- Internship
- Missions Emphasis Week
- RA job
- searchCRU
- Student Foundation
- Internship
- Missions Emphasis Week
- RA job
- searchCRU
An upper, though, is that MEW will be over in two or so weeks, my RA job responsibilities will lighten up in a month, and that my internship is slowing down. But still, I'm freaking TIRED.
But more than tired, I'm disturbed by the terrible terrible attitude I've got towards my commitments. I don't want to them. I'd rather just sleep, and work. And when I say work, I mean work for a paycheck, not a grade, or an event, or someone else's approval.
Lovers and friends, I'm just stinking tired. I want a break. I'm signing up for nothing next semester, and I may stay that way until I graduate.
Advices?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Climbing aimlessly over these hills
Lately, though I've turned to the song "Whatever You're Doing," by Sanctus Real, I think in my life I was derailing myself on the line "climbing aimlessly over these hills."
Let me tell you what my God has done for me...
When I was dirty, He told me I was dirty, and cleaned me off.
When I was wrong, He told me I was wrong, and showed me how to be right.
When I was angry, He told me I was angry, and gave me peace.
When I was breaking, He broke me, and made me whole.
When I was helpless, He saved me.
I don't mean to be...emo, but for the first time in a long time, I have rediscovered joy. I have been, to quote so many, surprised by joy. The joy of Jesus Christ. The peace that passes all understanding, is now guarding me in Christ Jesus.
I have apologies to make.
I have people to thank.
I have wrongs to make right.
But beyond all that, I have a God that would love a creature, so small, so selfish, that has drawn a circle around himself, and excluded everything beyond it, and that same God took such a creature, lifted his head, and brought him out of his suffering.
Thank you God. Thank you.
Let me tell you what my God has done for me...
When I was dirty, He told me I was dirty, and cleaned me off.
When I was wrong, He told me I was wrong, and showed me how to be right.
When I was angry, He told me I was angry, and gave me peace.
When I was breaking, He broke me, and made me whole.
When I was helpless, He saved me.
I don't mean to be...emo, but for the first time in a long time, I have rediscovered joy. I have been, to quote so many, surprised by joy. The joy of Jesus Christ. The peace that passes all understanding, is now guarding me in Christ Jesus.
I have apologies to make.
I have people to thank.
I have wrongs to make right.
But beyond all that, I have a God that would love a creature, so small, so selfish, that has drawn a circle around himself, and excluded everything beyond it, and that same God took such a creature, lifted his head, and brought him out of his suffering.
Thank you God. Thank you.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Amazing Grace
This morning in SGBS, Jason asked us to think about what our lives would be like without the intervention of God's Grace. I think mine would go a little something like this:
I'd probably be a musician in a band, and into drugs. I'd probably stuck in some apartment somewhere with a girlfriend that I have sex with about once or twice a week, or whenever we feel like it, smoking pot and popping pills. I probably wouldn't have much of a relationship with my family, but I'm willing to bet I'd still love them, just at a distance. I would probably be very smart, but also very self-serving and something of a schemer, and maybe a thief.
Where would I be without Grace right now?
Angry. Angry, and more alone than I sometimes already feel. Probably also wouldn't have a whole lot -- no RA job, no internship, nada. I'd probably also struggle with serious depression and I might even cry myself to sleep at night, or become an alcoholic. I probably wouldn't blog much either. It's very likely I wouldn't even be at UMHB anymore.
Kind of crazy to think how amazing grace is.
I'd probably be a musician in a band, and into drugs. I'd probably stuck in some apartment somewhere with a girlfriend that I have sex with about once or twice a week, or whenever we feel like it, smoking pot and popping pills. I probably wouldn't have much of a relationship with my family, but I'm willing to bet I'd still love them, just at a distance. I would probably be very smart, but also very self-serving and something of a schemer, and maybe a thief.
Where would I be without Grace right now?
Angry. Angry, and more alone than I sometimes already feel. Probably also wouldn't have a whole lot -- no RA job, no internship, nada. I'd probably also struggle with serious depression and I might even cry myself to sleep at night, or become an alcoholic. I probably wouldn't blog much either. It's very likely I wouldn't even be at UMHB anymore.
Kind of crazy to think how amazing grace is.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Love the One(s) You're With
Dani Beth's most recent blog is an encouragement to me. Well, they are words that should encourage me, and remind me of what I already know.
Maybe it's just simple reinforcement. I'm not sure.
But I appreciate it all the same, and I marvel at God's timing.
Maybe it's just simple reinforcement. I'm not sure.
But I appreciate it all the same, and I marvel at God's timing.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Something Heavenly
Yes, it has been a while since I last posted. I hope you missed me.
Lately, the song "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real has been more than encouraging to me. In fact, it's been the song that encourages me to not to lose heart at times. For better or worse, life is progressing forward and God is bringing me along for the ride. It's not easy. In fact, I find a lot of the time things breathed directly from the mouth of God are often some of the most difficult things to do, swallow.
Nevertheless, I am here. I am finding joy more often, and finding that it is oftentimes much more accessible than I would have myself believe. It is encouraging to me, now, at the end of my day(s), to sit and realize that the day is done and I have some joy. Or at the least, peace. It's comforting, and it's encouraging.
School is in full swing, now, and I have gone to every class once and worked on classwork for every class at least once. I am also experiencing what it is like to not have the monies to pay for foods and other necessities. That is an experience. That is an experience.
I have also begun to re-evaluate my position on "Casual Dating." It was first a very logically-driven thought for me, but now that I'm experiencing it in the practical, I'm beginning to wonder more about it. If I ever revise my policy, I might let you guys know, or I might forget. Anyhow.
"Beware the bareness of a busy life."
-- Socrates
I think it's a good quote.
Love,
geoff
Lately, the song "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real has been more than encouraging to me. In fact, it's been the song that encourages me to not to lose heart at times. For better or worse, life is progressing forward and God is bringing me along for the ride. It's not easy. In fact, I find a lot of the time things breathed directly from the mouth of God are often some of the most difficult things to do, swallow.
Nevertheless, I am here. I am finding joy more often, and finding that it is oftentimes much more accessible than I would have myself believe. It is encouraging to me, now, at the end of my day(s), to sit and realize that the day is done and I have some joy. Or at the least, peace. It's comforting, and it's encouraging.
School is in full swing, now, and I have gone to every class once and worked on classwork for every class at least once. I am also experiencing what it is like to not have the monies to pay for foods and other necessities. That is an experience. That is an experience.
I have also begun to re-evaluate my position on "Casual Dating." It was first a very logically-driven thought for me, but now that I'm experiencing it in the practical, I'm beginning to wonder more about it. If I ever revise my policy, I might let you guys know, or I might forget. Anyhow.
"Beware the bareness of a busy life."
-- Socrates
I think it's a good quote.
Love,
geoff
Sunday, August 24, 2008
With thankfulness and devotion, to you, our purple white and gold
Empathy -- 1. the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it 2. the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to,vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts and experiences fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also the capacity for this
Empathetic -- involving, eliciting, characterized by, or based on empathy
Sympathy -- 1a. an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherin whatever affects one similarly affects the other b. mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it c. unity or harmony in action or effect 2a. inclination to think or feel alike; emotional or intellectual accord b. feelings of loyalty; tendency to favor or support 3a. the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings o interests of another b. the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity 4. the correlation existing bewteen bodies capable of communicating their vibrational energy to one another through some medium
Sympathetic (1) -- existing or operation through an affinity, interdependence, or mutual association 2a. appropriate to one's mood, inclinations, or disposition b. marked by kindly or pleased appreciation 3. given to or marked by, or arrising from sympathy, compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others' emotions 4. favorably inclined 5a. showing empathy b. arousing sumpathy or compassion 6a. of or relating to the sympathetic nervous system b. mediated by or acting on the sympathetic nerves 7. relating to musical tones produced by mpathetic vibration or to strings so tuned as to sound by sympathetic vibration.
Empathetic -- involving, eliciting, characterized by, or based on empathy
Sympathy -- 1a. an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherin whatever affects one similarly affects the other b. mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it c. unity or harmony in action or effect 2a. inclination to think or feel alike; emotional or intellectual accord b. feelings of loyalty; tendency to favor or support 3a. the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings o interests of another b. the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity 4. the correlation existing bewteen bodies capable of communicating their vibrational energy to one another through some medium
Sympathetic (1) -- existing or operation through an affinity, interdependence, or mutual association 2a. appropriate to one's mood, inclinations, or disposition b. marked by kindly or pleased appreciation 3. given to or marked by, or arrising from sympathy, compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others' emotions 4. favorably inclined 5a. showing empathy b. arousing sumpathy or compassion 6a. of or relating to the sympathetic nervous system b. mediated by or acting on the sympathetic nerves 7. relating to musical tones produced by mpathetic vibration or to strings so tuned as to sound by sympathetic vibration.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Nobody said it was easy
Life has been going crazy fast lately. Crazy fast, everywhere. Moving out, moving in, moving other people in, checking people in, training, laundry, friends at night, the Olympics -- oh, the list could go on and on.
Fortunately, I've found myself a small pocket of time here and now to put just a small somethin' somethin' up. Things are going okay, but like I said, crazy fast. I think in the next few days things will slow down and get easier. But for now, a lotta lotta isn't all giggles and fun. Good news is that I'm really enjoying my apartment. That is great news, and that my roommate hopefully moves in today. But, we shall see, we shall see. Hopefully yes, but you never know, sometimes, with this guy, hahaha...
Okay, thanks for reading lovers.
Fortunately, I've found myself a small pocket of time here and now to put just a small somethin' somethin' up. Things are going okay, but like I said, crazy fast. I think in the next few days things will slow down and get easier. But for now, a lotta lotta isn't all giggles and fun. Good news is that I'm really enjoying my apartment. That is great news, and that my roommate hopefully moves in today. But, we shall see, we shall see. Hopefully yes, but you never know, sometimes, with this guy, hahaha...
Okay, thanks for reading lovers.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Like endless rain into a paper cup
So, the vacay was good. I liked very much this last visit to Mexico, mainly because I got to do all the things I wanted to do. That, my friends, was fun. Snorkled, kayaked, cliff-jumped, swam, volleyballed, soccered (actually footballed), ate, drank, was merry. Pretty decent get away, if I do say so myself.
Problems, though:
Problems, though:
- wicked nasty gash on my left foot. I think it's from sand volleyball
- the runs. That's right, I have diarrhea. Sorry if you didn't want to know, but now you do
- dry skin. My skin is all itchy and dry, I think it's from the sand, salt, and sun
That's about it, I think. So, yeah, 'twas a good va-cay.
Did manage to discover a brand new pair (new to me) of sunglasses on the ocean floor, though. They're very...chic, very Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, very Paris Hilton. Not very Geoff, but they're free and they work, so they'll stay until they break.
This week I have two assignments due, a quiz, and a final, all between now and Thursday. Wish my freaking luck. As of right now I still have an 87.5 out of 200 on my midterm. Not real sure what I did wrong, so I'm hoping the final grade for the midterm still hasn't been posted yet. Haven't heard anything from my prof, but word on the street from one of my classmates is that they have been posted. I sure would like some confirmation.
Good night friends
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Battle Without Honor or Humanity
This is my new favorite song in the world.
And, to clarify, I never stated in my previous blog that "casual dating" is all that I wanted out of life, just that my thoughts had brought me to those conclusions. Thanks for the advice everyone, but I wasn't writing with the intent on being a...player or something for the rest of my life. Just writing out my thinking. But thanks all the same.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.
Adios amigos
-Edit-
This video is pretty epic too, it's the trailer for Kill Bill. One of my favs, without a doubt.
Adios, for real
And, to clarify, I never stated in my previous blog that "casual dating" is all that I wanted out of life, just that my thoughts had brought me to those conclusions. Thanks for the advice everyone, but I wasn't writing with the intent on being a...player or something for the rest of my life. Just writing out my thinking. But thanks all the same.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.
Adios amigos
-Edit-
This video is pretty epic too, it's the trailer for Kill Bill. One of my favs, without a doubt.
Adios, for real
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Something Beautiful
So, I've recently been overcome by thoughts about dating. Dating, relationships, marriage, and even having children. Yes, spawn of my own. Brace yourself, World.
Jerry Seinfeld once said "Make no mistake, these babies are here to replace us." Very humorous. But, I think my thinking begins with the question "Do I want to have children? Do I want to raise a son or a daughter?" I think my answer would then be, "Yeah, some day." The best way I see fit to raise a child is with a healthy, balanced relationship between both mother and father (yes, this is extremely idealistic, especially in today's sub-atomic families, but please bear with me). So what does this mean to me? If I want a child, the best way to raise him or her is within a relationship very similar to marriage. Okay, I can deal with that.
So, I guess then I would have to get married. Let me be very transparent -- I LOVE THAT IDEA. But let me very transparent once more -- MARRIAGE SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I'll paint you an example:
I started off the summer very possessive of the affections of one (1) particular girl, and had the singular ambition of pursuing her through the course of summer leading into a more-than-just-friends relationship. Now I'm not so sure I want to even get married (unless to have good kids. of course). Okay. In a few months' (actually weeks') time I've moved from desiring this one (1) particular girl to being skiddish at the mere thought of a forever relationship. Now, duh, these aren't exactly polar opposites. But, my likes and dislikes in regards to relationships have changed from an interest in a girl who seemed pretty ideal to possibly remaning single and celebate for life. If my heart can move that much from May to mid-July, who knows what it'll do over the course of a marriage, which is forever? Certainly not I; I figured I would be half-way endeared into her heart by now.
So, the point of this scenario is that I'm not ready for marriage yet, and thus I'm a bit scared of it, and rushing into it. Therefore, I don't really feel like chasing after a sincere, serious, more-than-just-friends relationship. I'm not scared of that relationship, I just don't want it right now, sorta...
So, what options am I left with? I don't know. Let's see. I like people, I like meeting new people, I like getting to know new people, I like spending time with familiar faces, I enjoy going on dates, I enjoy the flirting and the coy responses and the thrill of the "hunt," so clearly I could do some dating if I wanted. But, what kind of dating do I do? I can't go back on all that I've just said. Maybe just casual dating? Does that work? What does casual dating involve?
I don't know.
I don't think I've ever investigated the idea of casual dating. I've seen movies and TV shows that depict it, but I've never really ventured out into it. I think I might like it, really. I'm not looking for huge commitment -- hence the previous about marriage. I don't feel like I really need somebody to bolster me emotionally or socially -- I've got great friends that support me emotionally and I'm social enough on my own to have a good time. I don't really feel like I'm in that great of a position right now to be a spiritual leader in a relationship -- that's not to say my spiritual life or "walk with God" is shipwrecked, I just mean it in that I'm a bit of A Work in Progress myself, so I don't know just yet if I'm cut out for leading another person in that role. So, yeah, casual dating? Maybe it's for me? What would I do in a casual dating relationship? What approach would I take to it?
"Hi, my name's Geoff. We know each other decently well enough, would you like to hang out sometime? Maybe we could have coffee, tea, enjoy Happy Hour at Sonic, or dinner sometime? My intentions are much like my expectations -- I want to get to know you better. What do you say?"
So, tell me what you think, please. I'm not saying this is my final resolution on dating, because as I've already said my opinion has changed from May to now, it can very well change from now to tomorrow. But, this is where my thinking has left me lately. Not hungrily anticipating the next serious relationship I can get myself into, but interested in all the learning opportunities of life still to come my way.
Jerry Seinfeld once said "Make no mistake, these babies are here to replace us." Very humorous. But, I think my thinking begins with the question "Do I want to have children? Do I want to raise a son or a daughter?" I think my answer would then be, "Yeah, some day." The best way I see fit to raise a child is with a healthy, balanced relationship between both mother and father (yes, this is extremely idealistic, especially in today's sub-atomic families, but please bear with me). So what does this mean to me? If I want a child, the best way to raise him or her is within a relationship very similar to marriage. Okay, I can deal with that.
So, I guess then I would have to get married. Let me be very transparent -- I LOVE THAT IDEA. But let me very transparent once more -- MARRIAGE SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I'll paint you an example:
I started off the summer very possessive of the affections of one (1) particular girl, and had the singular ambition of pursuing her through the course of summer leading into a more-than-just-friends relationship. Now I'm not so sure I want to even get married (unless to have good kids. of course). Okay. In a few months' (actually weeks') time I've moved from desiring this one (1) particular girl to being skiddish at the mere thought of a forever relationship. Now, duh, these aren't exactly polar opposites. But, my likes and dislikes in regards to relationships have changed from an interest in a girl who seemed pretty ideal to possibly remaning single and celebate for life. If my heart can move that much from May to mid-July, who knows what it'll do over the course of a marriage, which is forever? Certainly not I; I figured I would be half-way endeared into her heart by now.
So, the point of this scenario is that I'm not ready for marriage yet, and thus I'm a bit scared of it, and rushing into it. Therefore, I don't really feel like chasing after a sincere, serious, more-than-just-friends relationship. I'm not scared of that relationship, I just don't want it right now, sorta...
So, what options am I left with? I don't know. Let's see. I like people, I like meeting new people, I like getting to know new people, I like spending time with familiar faces, I enjoy going on dates, I enjoy the flirting and the coy responses and the thrill of the "hunt," so clearly I could do some dating if I wanted. But, what kind of dating do I do? I can't go back on all that I've just said. Maybe just casual dating? Does that work? What does casual dating involve?
I don't know.
I don't think I've ever investigated the idea of casual dating. I've seen movies and TV shows that depict it, but I've never really ventured out into it. I think I might like it, really. I'm not looking for huge commitment -- hence the previous about marriage. I don't feel like I really need somebody to bolster me emotionally or socially -- I've got great friends that support me emotionally and I'm social enough on my own to have a good time. I don't really feel like I'm in that great of a position right now to be a spiritual leader in a relationship -- that's not to say my spiritual life or "walk with God" is shipwrecked, I just mean it in that I'm a bit of A Work in Progress myself, so I don't know just yet if I'm cut out for leading another person in that role. So, yeah, casual dating? Maybe it's for me? What would I do in a casual dating relationship? What approach would I take to it?
"Hi, my name's Geoff. We know each other decently well enough, would you like to hang out sometime? Maybe we could have coffee, tea, enjoy Happy Hour at Sonic, or dinner sometime? My intentions are much like my expectations -- I want to get to know you better. What do you say?"
So, tell me what you think, please. I'm not saying this is my final resolution on dating, because as I've already said my opinion has changed from May to now, it can very well change from now to tomorrow. But, this is where my thinking has left me lately. Not hungrily anticipating the next serious relationship I can get myself into, but interested in all the learning opportunities of life still to come my way.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
You Are Welcome Here
So, a few things I learned/to learn from my Super Summer experience.
- Despite my tiny and small and timid expectations, God can yield big results
- The King of the Universe loves me and I am His favorite
- The world may appear to have forgotten me, but God has not
- Blessings are all around me, I have only to adjust my perspective
- God loves me, and He has blessed me
- God wants His people to know He's here, and He's calling us to action
As I was typing this, I realized not a single one of these is a complaint, and everyone relates directly to God. It ammuses me that I can spend a week in a strange and new environment, and walk out knowing only new things about God, and my relationship with Him.
For those of you who don't know, I went to Super Summer as a sponsor for the youth in my younger sister's youth ministry. I was assigned to Orange School, or students just having completed the 9th grade, going into the 10th grade. 15 year olds, mostly. I had 12 to co-"babysit" and lead, really, all week long with a girl from Dickinson, Texas. It was fun.
I met a lot of new people, and saw a few old and familiar faces. Great chance to see and meet some UMHB Alumni (almost all were mid-90s grads), and get to know a few youth ministers from various places around the state of Texas. One offered me an internship, one was a good friend to me the entire week. Got a business card from one friend there, and another I encouraged to apply to UMHB.
The joy and perspective God granted me and allowed me while I was at Super Summer was a much needed rescue in the middle of the summer. In fact, I don't know how I could have made it this far without Super Summer there to save me. I am ever so thankful for the joy and experience and memories that I carry with me now from the past week. If you prayed for me even a little bit at all while I was gone, thank you.
As the Spirit begins to strike me, I'll continue to post more things from my week. And if you're reading this and you were with me last week, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you friend.
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